First Week in Dumfries
Repentance: That was
the first lesson that greeted me here in Dumfries, Virginia. Like an old friend
its presence resonated within me as soon as conviction revealed its beckoning
to repentance. In hindsight repentance is always refreshing, however as it is occurring
it is like a swift kick in the pants. God did not bring me up here to Virginia
to run the show, and He let me know that immediately. I had been praying during
the weeks leading up to coming to Dumfries for my internship, “God, give me a
humble heart; give me a servant’s heart that is quick to listen and obey, and
take away my flesh that urges me to instruct, compare, contrast, and judge.”
God certainly acquiesced to my request. The
Lord illuminated a wicked misconception that I had about ministry. Before
arriving here I had the mindset that my ministry would look something like
this: I would finish Georgia Southern and while I was there continue leading a
Connect group, minister to the guys I built relationships with, graduate, go to
seminary somewhere, get a degree while working at a church near the seminary,
and eventually start teaching at a church after I graduated and lead that
congregation to excellent relationships with God. After some much needed
vacation time with God this week I am not so sure that my future looks like
that.
Let me start by
listing the things I do know. My entire life is going to be ministry; I also
know that every Christian’s life is ministry. We do not go “off duty,” nor should
we want to. I am almost ashamed at what I thought being a Christian meant
before this week. Did I really think that I was just supposed to focus on
building my relationship with God? To find a wife that suited my billing? That
seminary was the benchmark for preparedness? That heaven was us singing in a
huge choir in the clouds for eternity? Did I really think this life had any
kind of calling outside of sharing Christ-crucified with every person put
before me? Jordan, did you really think that your ministry was about how much
time you made available to do stuff for God, instead of being constantly in
intercessory prayer for your Church family, those far from God, and fertile
hearts to hear the gospel??
This is just a
glimpse at the heart change I have had since being in Dumfries. God humbled me
by bringing me to repentance of thinking ministry was anything other than being
in prayerful obedience to the one next step He will lead me too. Here is a
small tidbit of information free of charge; there are only two commands, to my
knowledge, that God tells us to do without ceasing: pray and love people. The
most loving thing I can do for anyone is go to the Father in prayer for them. I
can teach the bible from cover to cover, but if God has not opened the hearer
of my teaching’s heart I might as well be talking to a bed of flowers; even
though they are living they won’t grow based on my words. However, if I go to
God on those “flower’s” behalf in intercessory prayer He can send rains of
healing and salvation to that person’s life, and that is worth giving up hours
of my day to.
Upon seeing how
the rich young man was turned away by Jesus in Matthew 19 the disciples were in
a panic about who could even be saved. “With man this is impossible, but with
God all things are possible.” This is Jesus famous response in verse 26 of
Matthew 19. But do we really live like this is true? I know I haven’t lately,
and find myself at a crossroads of choice. I can either repent of the false
version of Christianity I have been living, or continue in sin. It’s like the Matrix;
do I take the red pill or the blue pill? Do I chase the rabbit-hole, or do I
not? Since we have all seen the Matrix we both knew when the question was asked
which “pill” to take that Neo was going to choose the pill of a new experience.
Similar to Neo’s track, an irreversible truth has been placed before me. I have
to repent (also like Neo) and go to God for forgiveness and healing. God is the
only one that can save my lost friends, and the only way I am useful at all in
that dynamic is praying for them, loving them at every turn, and being obedient
to God’s prompting in steps of faith. Right now where God has me is at a church
plant in Dumfries, Virginia, so God has me asking how can I serve these people,
who can I share God’s grace with, and how can I leverage my life to make Jesus
known?
**For anyone reading
this blog I ask you to prayerfully consider if you have walked down a false
path of Christianity like I have. Also, I ask that you hold me accountable to
this life change and obedience, as well as to keep me in your prayers.
After wiping out
everything I thought ministry was this week God has started rebuilding with His
own timing what His plans are for me. I am seeing more and more that ultimately
what my ministry is, particularly for right now, is to be in constant step with
the Father’s guidance, and to be obedient to His calling wherever and whatever
it may be. Looking back I see God has allowed me to experience a multi-faceted equipping
in ministry types. I have worked with middle-school kids, high school kids, and
sleepless weeks of church camps, college age ministry, evangelistic mission
trips, service teams, big churches, small churches, and now church planting.
The curveball is that God has not really kicked me in one direction or another
definitively, but I have a feeling it is going to be “all of the above.”
Fortunately I know God is here and walking with me, and that really His “all of
the above” is “stay in step with where I lead you, in Isaiah 30 I told you I
would tell you ‘this is the way, walk in it,’ in 2 Corinthians I told you ‘My
grace is sufficient for you,’ just trust me, and in Matthew 3 I told Jesus ‘This
is my beloved son, with whom I am well pleased,’ and when I see you I see
Jesus. Just trust me.”
